How to fail this class

• Come to class late, leave early, or just don't bother coming to class at all.
• Schedule all medical appointments, job interviews, car repairs and appointments with your other professors during class time.
• Never look at the class World Wide Web page and ignore all readings and assignments posted on that page.
• Only scan the readings and never review available study materials for this class.
• Do not read assigned textbook chapters, on-line notes and/or articles before the lecture covering those materials. Only study the assignments when expecting a possible pop quiz or just before the exams.
• Never discuss the lectures, readings, assignments and projects with your classmates until the final exam.
• Focus your learning very narrowly on what you think is needed to pass an exam rather than developing a deep understanding of the subject.
• Contact the instructor only to ask about your exam scores, to request an extension on a project deadline, to ask if anything important will be covered in class or to ask what to study for the next exam.
• Don't listen and take notes on what is said during lectures, and instead, concentrate on only copying everything the person sitting next you writes down during class. Better yet, don't take any notes at all.
• Think of class as a great place to look for a date for Saturday night instead of a place to learn.
• If you are a poor note-taker, don't buy a tape recorder.
• Be too shy to try to answer a question asked of you during class.
• Be too embarrassed to ask questions during class.
• Never allow class, projects or assignments to interfere with planned or spontaneous social events.
• Never bring any supplies to class. Spend the first ten minutes of every class trying to borrow a pen and paper.
• When answering essay questions on exams, put effort into recalling details parrot-fashion instead of understanding and applying the material. An effective technique used to fail exams is to repeat the checklists from the textbook instead of answering the questions.
• Don't read the questions on exams. Instead, answer the questions you wanted to get instead of the ones you were actually asked.
• Don't worry about "minor" things, such as spelling, AP style and grammar on exams, projects and assignments. In fact, consider subjects, verbs and punctuation as optional items in any paper you turn in for grading.
• Make sure that everything your write is painfully long, has no point and is completely incomprehensible.
• Never turn in neat and typed projects. Experiment by using fluorescent inks on grocery bags or hamburger wrappers for all assignments you turn in.
• Ignore all deadlines.
• Ignore all e-mail messages from your professor. If possible, tag your professor's e-mail messages so that they are automatically delivered to your "bulk/spam" e-mail folder.
• Spend as much time as possible searching the Web, reading e-mail, sending instant messages or playing computer games when in class. This helps time pass when your professor is discussing the important concepts needed to pass this class.
• Use class time to update your status on Facebook.
• Assume that if something important is said in class, your professor will Tweet it to you.
• Avoid attending any review sessions for exams.
• Frequently make appointments with your professor outside the established office hours for this class. Never show up for these appointments.
• iPods are great when trying to tune-out lectures. For additional effect, sing along, tap your feet and snap your fingers while listening to your iPod during class.
• Leave increasingly shrill voice-mail messages on your professor's phone. Be careful that you never leave any information that your professor could use to return your call or contact you.
• Make sure that your participation in group projects is minimal.
• Establish a pattern of falling asleep in class.
• Never follow through with anything you tell your professor you are going to do.

If you set your goal to fail this class, these points will help you succeed.